Dear Self,

            Ang loser mo. Why don't you just go for it when you know that deep down in your heart, you really want to? You practically love what you do so what's holding you back? Others have so much faith in you and in what you can do. Why can't you have faith in yourself? Yeah, sure, you're letting others down.. others you love. But you know who you're really letting down? Yourself.

                                                                  --- From your losery self

i need a reality check.

Currently Listening All Things Are Possible: Live Worship From Hillsongs Australia By Hillsong Australia, Darlene Zschech see related

after 10 years. update.

well. today was ok. we didn't do anything 'cept for the opening of intrams. we won the Best Entrance award, i think. and our class won the volleyball game. WOOT. congratulations 4D girls!  wooooot. "go '4D' kaya niyo yaaan!" yeah, i know. as "head cheermaker", i need to make a new cheer. i'll get back to you on that one. lemme just say, i was so proud of Monsee, Pat, Tracy and Nikki for playing.   muy bien! go Shai, Icris, Iya, Dianne, Jen, Krissy, Mika, Joey!

i am officially seventeen years old. Yo tengo diecisiete años. oh nooo. but can i just say that my seventeenth birthday was, if not the best, one of the best birthdays i have ever had, thanks to my gorgeous friends and my oh so wonderful YFC Family.  on the morning of Friday, Ate Pau, Sharie and Joey surprised me at my house.  i was singing Bop To The Top while putting on  my shoes when someone knocked on my door and when i opened it,  surprise, surprise! they were there. they were so sweeeet! [i love you guys!] after classes, i met up with the barkada and Ate Pau and yumm there was cake.  yumm. hehe. it was so much fun. then Saturday, we [Drei, Von and I] celebrated our birthdays at Von's house. Von was kind enough to let me celebrate with them at his house and i'm just so grateful! And the others brought cake and candles for the thuhree of us pa! and they prayed for us and they said really nice things.  super sweet nila. i was so happy to be able to spend that day with them. i wouldn't have had it any other way. thank you so much to all the people who were there.. who celebrated my special day with me.  thank you so much! you guys don't know how much you've changed my life. words cannot express the joy and happiness i feel because of all of you. i love you all so much.  my YFC family is such a blessing to me. i love you guys!

some pictures courtesy of ate pau's multiply.  

the birthday celebrants.. Menay, Von and Drei

with Ate Pau, Inna and Shari. [i so luuuhve your face here, Sharina! ooh, and i look tall here.  ahahaha, trying hard magpatangkad. ]

----My YFC FAMILY.

speaking of birthdays.. to a girl who is beautiful on the outside.. and even more beautiful on the inside.. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  DREI! i love you dear!

Thanks to all who greeted me on my birthday.  i love you guys! oh and Happy Friendship Day! <3

so i actually went to school today with my homework.  haha. only to realize that i had done the wrong numbers. tsk tsk tsk. so i rushed it in homeroom time. then surprise, surprise!  absent si Ms. hahaha. funneeeeh.

its been a long time since i last blogged. i guess i've been a little "busy" lately. well no, not really. [hahaha] but yeah, school work. projects. homeworks. argh. and what about all the college-related thingies? its so stressing to have to think about colleges, courses, and all that. i'm worried about ending up in a course i don't like. argh. i'm so not ready for college.

speaking of college.. my classmates and i were on Nerd Mode a while ago. we were "reviewing". The best part was when i was holding this reviewer thingy and i kept on throwing questions at them.
Me:         Ano ung change from gas to liquid???
Raiza:      Ah! Ah! alam ko yan.. Constipation?

It doesn't get any better than that.  I love you, Susie!

hmm. what else? AFC's been fun.  i'm really enjoying it. we have so many plans.. so many big dreams.. but i have faith that we can make them all happen.

I miss my YFC Family. I miss Ate Pau, Kuya Robert, Inna, Jamie.. Kuya Ramike.. Kuya Awee.. Drei.. Nikko.. KUYA GILBERT!!! rarr.

SHARINAAA.

*** a quote from a just-turned-seventeen girl, Shiaira. [BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ]

"Hindi ko na siya nahintay.. kasi napagod na ko.. ayoko ng masaktan, kaya ayoko ng umasa.. i will try to move on, pero babagalan ko.. baka mahabol pa niya ko..."

... yeah, i know. screw it.  hahahaha!

One thing's for certain: Koalas rock.

bit|ter (bit'ər), adj., adv., n., v. --adj. 2 Figurative. causing pain or grief; hard to admit or bear. SYN: painful, distressing, grievous.

bitter. why do people have to be bitter? why is it that once we get that feeling of bitterness, it's so hard to get it out of our system? it eats up our insides like crazy. at first we think it's okay since it sort of gives us the illusion that we are strong. we use it as our defense mechanism so that we don't have to show what we really feel inside because we think that once we let others know how we really feel then we become susceptible to even more pain than we're already feeling. people perceive us to be strong but in reality we're just putting up a show. we're just making it even harder for ourselves because we try to feel all those emotions when deep inside that's not really how we're feeling. and what do we get out of it? nothing. we're the ones on the losing side because we try to lie not just to others, but to ourselves as well.

i think people are bitter because they can't forget. they try really darn hard to forget and let go and move on with their lives but it doesn't work that way. people are bitter because they forgive. but they can't forget. (so the forgive and forget thing doesn't really work all the time, does it?) but they can't forget. they just can't. and the more they try to, the more they feel the pain. it lingers.... and plagues you like crazy. until you just wanna sit down and cry.. and have someone there beside you, not to tell you that things are gonna be okay.. but just to be there to cry with you. or even just listen to you cry.

Yes, i have become the wicked witch of the west. and i hate it. "nasan na ung down-to-earth na menay dati?" well. i don't really know. and i'm sorry. i'm sorry for this. i hope this is just a phase. please bear with me. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. S&N. You heard me.

i didn't think it would hurt this much.  being away from people you love so much hurts like hell. now i know what that really feels like. it eats up your insides like crazy. next thing you know you feel this stabbing pain in your heart and you feel like its getting harder and harder to breathe. you feel like crying but it doesn't ease the pain.. it doesn't ease the pain at all.

i want to see you. i want to be with you and tell you how much i'm going to miss spending time with you. yeah sure, we'll see each other. we'll get to talk. but..

ang sakit. nangungulila ako sa'yo..

ML.  MNMK.

3G.. i love you guys so much.